I really do expect too much of you, maybe you weren't as good a friend as I hoped you would be.

Do you really think I was fine after all that? I was hurt when you said that. When I saw you, I expected a hug. I expected you to tell me that you would be there for me. But you weren't and you didn't. Disappointment hit me so bad, I was brought to tears.

I hate my family. They are completely unsupportive. Tonight is the second time I cried in front of my family because of you. Normally I would cry under my bed sheets at night, leaving tear drops on my pillow. But tonight, I cried. And being the fucking unsupportive family they are, they don't ask me "Is everything alright?", they scream at me and tell me to stop crying because I have issues.

My parents tell me I'm useless, alright. Fine. But everytime, you just have to bring up that night. The night that made me realise something wasn't right. I really didn't want that to be true. But I realised that it was, and I noticed that again tonight. I thought I knew what I was doing, but really, I don't.

I don't think I will ever tell you, because it would just replay the bad things that have happened between us.

None of you blog readers out there will understand this post, but I just wanted to rant. I just wanted someone out there to know that I'm not always the happy and hyperactive me that you see. I hope someone would talk to me.

And to myself, I really shouldn't expect that much of you. If I do, I know I'm just going to get disappointed again.
Erica told me, in any relationship, if you love that person more, you're going to get hurt more. Why is that person always me? What am I always the one hurting so much more?

Ugh, I feel horrible.

Labels: rants